I’ve been battling a little bit of a writer’s block which explains my delayed post but not too worry I have something for you guys.
So, lately I find myself bored with women who have a certain cliche for dates i.e a night out for a drink, some coffee, dinner or lunch etc. I’ve been consumed by a need to explore, and sometimes I feel it’s good to divert from the norm; let’s not just eat at the restaurant; let’s make it take out; eat it at a park or while we walk around town. Let’s do something different from what’s expected. So anytime I go on a date i make sure that it’s something outdoors; the stuff that’s on my bucket list (yes, eating sushi at the memorial park is one of those lists), after all, YOLO right?!
So a few months back I went out with this girl I really liked (let’s call her CeCe – I love that name), not to a restaurant, no, to a forest. Weird place for a first date, I know, but that’s just what I do now. I go on adventure dates otherwise I won’t even consider meeting with you. We had only been flirting over the phone but never face to face. So the day came when I finally gathered up my balls and asked her out.
She was sceptical and a little doubting at first but I eventually talked her into it. (Probably thought I was going to offer her as a sacrifice like that Dracula wannabe from western Kenya, Onyancha was it? Yeah, that guy.)
So we’re on our way there and first thing becomes obvious, CeCe is somewhat disappointed by the transport means. She was obviously expecting me to show up in a sleek car (not sure what might have given her that idea) or rather in an Uber. Now, if you know anything about me you know that for me the adventure starts by getting lost looking for the right matatu and then the tiring and probably slow trip in a nearly broken down bus. Her facial expressions are whining at best and regret is almost inevitable on the corner of her smirk. I didn’t really care.
Before we go further, you need to understan something about me. I normally don’t care how pretty a girl is on the outside, but I do care how beautiful your soul is and for me that reveals itself when we’re outdoors. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that the outdoors is not for everyone but my ideal kind of woman is the type that overlooks tattered blankets and an uncomfortable mattress while gazing at real stars as opposed to the five stars of holiday resort. Every man has his tastes and that’s just mine. I’m not trying to degrade this type of woman in any way, in any case she would be perfect for a man that holds the same values.
So back to my “Slay Queen”, and yes she was a “Slay Queen”, but not mine. This is not a way for me to tarnish her choice of lifestyle but I called her a “Slay Queen” because despite my notifying her in advance to wear comfortable shoes and clothing, Cece still managed to show up in heels and a tight short black dress. Believe me, I wasn’t really complaining but was she insinuating that she was dinner? Because damn! I’d have had her for lunch and dinner. Saved her for dessert and had seconds and thirds. She was that scrumptious, but ofcourse you know you can’t tell a pretty girl that.
So she’s moving and shifting in her seat as though to hint that the ride is uncomfortable, for her at least. I pretend not to notice and ultimately it turns into a big fight leaving me to tell her that she’s not being forced to go anywhere with me, she can leave at anytime she wants and I’d still be comfortable doing the hike on my own. At this point I found myself confronted with words such as a male chauvinist, inconsiderate, broke-a** b**ch and oh yeah, my favourite, a grade-A asshole. Safe to assume she got off at the next stage and that was the last I ever saw of her.
Here’s the thing though, ladies (if you’re still reading this), how can you expect a man to treat you respectfully when you cannot respect the time and effort he’s put into getting to know you; to take you out. If you’re going to be rude and pretend to be a Slay Queen then expect me as a self respecting man to treat you in accordance to your behaviour.
We live in the 21st century, sex is easy to find and love is not. So if you think dressing seductively to a hiking expedition grants you some form of leverage over my primitive instincts as a male species then sweetheart I’ve got bad news for you. Like I said, you could be the prettiest girl any man has ever seen with a nasty heart and I still wouldn’t be caught walking with you in public but you could look like the ugliest man in the world with the kindest soul and I literally wouldn’t give two shits about what the world thought.
So please, let’s be ourselves. If to your core you feel that you’re a bad bitch then by all means be. I have nothing against that. Although if you’re trying to be a bad bitch then please stop, we can see right through the heavy makeup and synthetic wigs.